the IT city, the I.T. Baby


Format of a parenting book

FreudI’m on my 11th child behavior management book and I think I’ve got the format for most down (thankfully not the one I’m reading now).

So here we go

Part 1) Intro to the author that tells you nothing in 400 words

Sure it’s not required, but if we’re exploring a child’s ego perhaps we should see what an egotist really looks like?

Part 2) Intro to the system they’re going to pound out for the next 360 pages

The system consists of don’t hit the kids, understand they literally cannot understand or control themselves yet, some method of control, some method of picking acceptable fights, a method of labeling things differently (it’s not bad it’s red, it’s not bad it’s unacceptable).

Part 3) rehashing of part 2 with different words

It’s not unacceptable, it’s air painful.

Part 4) re-imagining of child cognitive process that you’ve got a problem with, sly wink at your problem

“Kids brain is a sponge getting filled up from the bottom. Top part’s the tiger part and kitties like to squeeze at any point.”

“A child’s mind contains a dark and terrible box into which fears are thrown. The pillar supporting that box is directly proportional to how your child slept, how they ate, or what they’re afraid of”

“Children’s underdeveloped brains shoot first and think fifth. Once they’ve shot a hole in the dam you’ve got to let the water out to start repairs”

Part 5) Rehashing of part 2 and link some behavioral constants to part 4

Don’t pick a fight over an air-painful misfire, the dam’s got to drain to get back to green.

Part 6) “Jenny”

Jenny is your first testimonial. Jenny made your mistakes. Jenny used the system, Jenny’s outcome may not be mentioned here. Jenny’s kid was close to a nightmare but you suspect it wasn’t as bad as yours.

Part 7) call back to the author’s life

They were going along great, then the kid had issues. Things are better and here are sixteen pages of dog photos.

Part 8) Jenny’s progress

Things are looking better once she accepted the image in part 4 and the upcoming system constants

Part 9) shit talking some other format of parenting as child abuse. You know that’s wrong. You know this because the book just said you did and you’re smart enough to read to this point.

Other formats sucks and scar a child for life.

Part 10) Testimonials

Let’s fling some shit and see what sticks – should be what the kid was doing before, what the kid was doing after, the one thing they learned from the system, and what’s going on three years later  when a kid might naturally grow out of it.

These will be all over the radar. One speaks to you. Some of these people are saints, you’re a saint deep down aren’t you?

Part 11) Let’s do something that can be done on a piece of paper or printed out, but also mention you can purchase worksheets with an audio CD you’ll listen to one time that is basically a where is Jenny now and a rehash of the system as used on this piece of cardboard you just bought for $17

Part 12) Reference your other books. Much like SEO, you need inlinks to drive traffic.

In the 2015 printing we had some things that some say worked miracles.

Part 13) Admit that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution and that these are best practices.

Cast some shade on other books.

Part 14) Congratulate the parent for caring enough and let them know even if this doesn’t work right away you’re looking at at least not scarring your child.

You made it this far…

Part 15) check in with Jenny and author and we discover everything worked out right.

Paul King

Paul King lives in Nashville Tennessee with his wife, two daughters and cats. He writes for Pocketables, theITBaby, and is an IT consultant along with doing tech support for a film production company.