the IT city, the I.T. Baby


Who thought baby clothes with snaps was viable?

Oh Snap
Not an example of what I’m talking about, just very well named.

More than four snaps on baby clothes had to have been invented by a sadist. I’m talking specifically about these horrible chub-pinching garments with snaps all up and down the legs.

What idiot thought that you could take a yelling kicking sack of baby meat and try and neatly secure it in stripper pants?

Yes, stripper pants, that’s what these onesies with the leg things are. Stripper pants you put on your newborn but the package that’s unveiled in a single arm motion is generally filled with poop rather than a dick in a sock.

I don’t know how we got these things, I think after getting one set of them I would have poured gasoline on it and burned it in the fire pit while dancing a merry jig to “never gonna get another snappy piece of infant wear”.

Are you kidding me snap onesie
Everything that is wrong with a coverall

The thing with these leg snap outfits are that you’ve always got a ticked off baby kicking its legs while you’re attempting to put feet and legs in, which means you’re trying to deal with 1860’s snap technology, moving, while you’re being yelled at by something that sounds like a goat and is getting progressively redder and madder.

Then the little bundle of joy will crap angrily in the diaper while you’re two snaps from finished.

It’s a losing proposition.

Take a look at the outfit above. Nine snaps, five buttons. Let’s assume you’re dealing with three of those buttons and nine snaps as an average change. At two seconds per thing, which I think is a fair assessment, you’ve got your baby fighting you for 24 seconds just to get snaps and buttons.

Each diaper change will result in an additional 18 or so seconds wasted to snap everything back up.

Average rug rodent is going to be needing about six to ten diapers a day, so that’s about three minutes lost just dealing with a bad design flaw a day.

While three minutes doesn’t sound like much, after a month of dealing with crappy baby clothes you’re looking at an hour and a half just to unsnap and snap something that should just have been a warm bag for legs in the first place.

They’re infant clothes, it’s not like baby walks or needs pockets or anything. Baby lays there like a lump and is happy unless you’re wasting an hour and a half a month fighting to push screaming sack of meat into snaps.

Assuming you have these horrible clothes for the first year, that’s 12-18 hours of your life just spent snapping poorly imagined clothing. Even at the lower end, that’s a baby’s waking day spent fighting for snaps.

So do yourself a favor, don’t get this stuff. Little annoyances add up bigtime.

Paul King

Paul King lives in Nashville Tennessee with his wife, two daughters and cats. He writes for Pocketables, theITBaby, and is an IT consultant along with doing tech support for a film production company.