The booze baby weight guide (incomplete)

Drunk Baby

After having Maggie, I completely forgot about doing the chart until I started looking at the search request on theITbaby and saw several for “how big is my baby”

So, in a one-page no-click through non-spam piece:

How big is my baby, compared to booze related items

(First 20 weeks are measured head to butt, afterwards to feet. Also there’re no great booze comparisons before 12 weeks, so just skip there if you want something amusing)

Week 6

You little zygote is about the size of a barley seed coming in at 1/8th of an inch and under 0.04 ounces. It would take several thousand in order to properly make up the malt/wort that is used in brewing.

Week 8

While Sex on the Beach probably wasn’t what conceived your baby, the makings of it, which include cranberries, is about what your baby is the size of now. That’s about half an inch.

Week 9

Your little baby is now a fetus and could be used to turn otherwise crappily brewed beer into a craft sensation as she’s now probably about the size of hops, or a cherry which can go with your Sex on the Beach up there.

Coming in at around .07 ounces, it would currently take 21.42 of your baby to make a shot.

Week 10

UTZ ub Mix

Weight is about 0.14oz, or 1/11th of a shot.

Week 11

At 1.6ish inches and 0.25oz your baby is the average size of a matchbook, and about half the weight. A matchbook is something you might have used for some bar tricks at some point before smoking was completely outlawed in most bars.

Week 12

The average shotglass

 

Week 13

When life gives you lemons, have a lemon party

Week 14 shooters!

The average shotglass

 

Week 15

Bar Coaster

I’m still uncertain why anyone uses the coasters, they cause more spills in a bar establishment than they save in terms of drops of condensate. But whatever floats your boat.

Week 16 make it a double!

The average shotglass

Week 17 the size of a beer can, weight of a cocktail

5.5 oz snifter

Week 18 got nothin’

5.6 inches, 6.7 ounces

Week 19

Dollar bill

At 8.47 ounces a 100 pound man would be legally drunk within an hour of drinking that much bitters.

Why anyone would drink that much bitters though is beyond me.

Week 20, weighs nearly a beer can

PBR safe, you put your weed in it

This is the end of head to butt measuring and the start of head to heel. Your baby isn’t growing 3.6 inches in a week

Week 21, my beer can runneth over

Samsung Galaxy Tab S 10.5-Inch Tablet

More importantly your baby now weighs an average 12 ounce can plus about a half shot. This has nothing to do with booze, but seems like any non-fruit based baby piece ends up with a very datable technology reference. If you want to buy me one feel free.

Week 22, my Goodness, my Guinness

Arc International Luminarc Guinness Gravity Glass, 20-Ounce, Set of 4

Many believe a pint or two of Guinness a day helps during pregnancy to keep iron levels up, pain levels down, and is great bait for internet arguments. You can decide for yourself.

Week 23

The average shotglass

1.1 pounds, 11.38 inches. That’s 11.73 shots.

It is at this point on publication date that I’ve run out of things to put in. I’ll edit this later and fill out the rest. If you’ve got anything shoot it to me and it’ll be included in the piece.

Week 24

Deuce Deuce

At this age we pass into the deuce deuce category, or 22 ouncers (uncommon as far as I know.)

Week 25 – Tall Boy

Miller High Life 24 ounces

Between week 25 and week 26 your baby becomes the weight of a standard tall boy (24oz). Or two standard canned beverages of your choice.

Week 26

1.7 pounds, 14 inches (the weight of about 18 & 1/2 shotglasses worth of beverage)

The average shotglass

Week 27

32 ounces of bud

Week 28

2.2 pounds, 14.8 inches

The average shotglass

Week 29 40oz

Olde English 40 ounce

Week 30

2.9 pounds, 15.7 inches

Week 31

3.1 pounds, 16.2 inches

Week 32

3.75 pounds, 16.7 inches

Week 33

4.25 pounds, 17.2 inches

Week 34

4.75 pounds, 17.7 inches

Week 35

5.25 pounds, 18.2 inches

Week 36

5.8 pounds, 18.7 inches

Week 37

6.3 pounds, 19.1 inches

Week 38

6.8 pounds, 19.6 inches

Week 39

7.25 pounds, 20 inches

Week 40

7.63 pounds,  20.16 inches

Week 41

7.93 pounds, 20.35 inches

Week 42

8.12 pounds, 20.3 inches

 

More to come in this article

Paul King

Paul King lives in Nashville Tennessee with his wife, two daughters and cats. He writes for Pocketables, theITBaby, and is an IT consultant along with doing tech support for a film production company.