Visiting a daycare makes me sad

Yesterday we went to a couple of daycares as we’re attempting to locate a new one as when ITMama’s contract wasn’t re-upped we lost the daycare at her employer. This has left her and baby M both looking for places to go during the day.

Unfortunately the booking times for getting a daycare in Nashville are several months out, if not a year+ in some cases. Nashville’s supremely underserved I’m told.

Maggie’s been with me and ITMama most days, and occasionally we’ve managed to get her in the same room as her other baby friend, but he just wanders around pretending she doesn’t exist.

Yesterday we took her into a room full of kids, and the screams from my baby were those of “my people! you’ve found my people!”

It made me sad that she hasn’t been around her people during the day for a few weeks, tugged at my heart strings to find her a place to be with other little solid engines of energy. It also made me seriously question whether what I was doing for her when I have her with me is good or bad for her.

Combine lack of kids and her new acting out like crazy and you have clues that point toward needing other kids. However combine any other two things and it doesn’t. Perhaps I’m seeing what I want to see, or what I’m afraid of.

Beyond that, not much is new. Still dealing with the headbutting/drama queen issues, still dealing with a mostly happy baby, and still realizing that you keep her up much past 7pm and there’s going to be hell to pay.

Also realizing that I was the weird isolated kid and don’t want my baby to be that growing up. Questioning whether a day of boredom with me is damaging to a baby’s development. Generally feeling like I may be failing.

That seems to be what parenting is about… about two months of thinking you’ve got it and then a week or so of thinking you’re doing everything wrong.