The New Parent Fifth Month Survival Guide

Listen up troops, you’ve managed to make it this far. By this point your baby is probably out of the bassinet and out of the sleeping quarters and sleeping somewhat decently in their own bedroom and in a crib. This is no time to throw in the towel.

You’re also feeding your loved one semi-solids now, and you’ve probably got a better handle on what the little terrorist’s demands are.

What you’ll need

You’re going to need some toys for the baby to grab, twist, and shake. Your child is getting bored now. Very bored. They’ll need a direction for destructive behaviors.

Don’t go hog wild here, the idea is to find what they like. Baby M, for example, likes a doll, a block, and a $3200 server with a large RAID array and blinking lights that I won’t let her play with.

Spoons… you’ll need baby spoons to shovel food into their mouths, and then back into their mouths when they spit it out, and then back into their mouths when they spit it out.

Bibs… no, not really, these things seem to be useless. You can try them, but at this age at least Baby M can evade any bib and make food run down her back if she wants.

Crib and something to keep the pacifier from flinging out of the crib (IE crib liner, extra large comical pacifier)

Glow in the dark pacifier – seriously, I love these things.

Remote video/audio monitor. I prefer something with video, be that a repurposed Android device, or a wireless remote webcam. I discovered that Baby M does things when we’re not watching such as rolling around.

If you’re going to do baby sign language, you should start now. I’ve been attempting a few words with baby M since birth, but so far her motor control on her arms doesn’t seem to allow for two way communication, I believe she does understand when I tell her milk is coming and to zip it for a minute. We’ll see.

Findings

There was not a lot of difference in development from month four to month five. I feel like the only real difference is some vocality and sleeping changes. There’s a bit more personality peeking out there also,but little way to express it.

There’s been some rolling to the side, but other babies in her age range are loving tummy time and doing barrel rolls.

Burp rags are for suckers.

If there’s a blanket, it’s firmly over the baby’s head and she looks like she’s trying to kill herself.

Blacked out room works significantly better than dim room for keeping baby asleep. Screw you nightlights, blinking lights, etc.

Blinking baby movement monitors can be fixed with black tape, or placed where they don’t light up the entire room every time they flash. Nearly completely dark room + blink = baby annoyed.

Breaking Bad is an excellent show except for the mass volume changes that wake up a baby.