The New Parent Fourth Month Survival Guide

If you’re reading this, you’re one of the lucky few who managed to survive the first terrifying three months of their spawn’s hellish rampage on this earth.

At this point baby’s growing like a weed, sleeping like a baby (restless, in fits, wakes screaming) and will give you the occasionally misguided hope that you’re going to be ok. This will be dashed in a day or so, so don’t get your hopes up too much after one or two good nights.

Coming up at four months you can probably start feeding baby solids, regardless of what the new guidelines are, there’s really not too much reason to not start feeding them some as long as you realize you’re not going to cut back on their milk consumption.

Baby will probably have some head control and start considering rolling over, but ours was not particularly interested in going much past on her side.

Things you’ll need

If you have the failpail, you’ll have gone through about three replacement bag cartridges by now. Consider having more in stock as poop can tend to smell poopy now. My initial reports, while correct, have been negated by relentless poocanos.

Baby will need medium flow nipples for whatever bottles you’re feeding him/her. Link to some (Avent, Medella) Baby M can now go through 4oz in about three minutes, whereas before that was a 20 minute endeavor with the slow flow.

You should be in the next size of diapers. My personal recommendation is you skip the half-size/in-between diapers as I’ve had my problems with some half sized diapers not quite fitting right.

At this point you’ll want some things for baby to grab, shake, rattle, etc. Eh, you’l figure that one out. I think babies are markedly different in what they like to play with.

More clothes. Aim large. Don’t over buy cute.

You’ll probably have gone through an inordinate amount of baby wipes. You probably bought that first huge pack thinking “oh, these will last a year or two” and after your second pack you’re realizing that 20 pounds of wet wipes don’t go nearly as far as they should. So consider stocking up on some Kirkland or Huggies or whatever you or your baby likes.

What you should find

For optimum savings, locate an Essex Bargain Hunt or similar. These are stores that sell fire sale goods, slightly damaged box sets, etc. You’ll find some great deals on strollers and larger items that are in a box that got destroyed.

While your experience may vary, our Bargain Hunt allows returns on anything that has actual damage, so there’s never any worry that what you buy is bad.

Also locate some baby consignment sales, although beware that some people be trippin when they’re pricing the stuff.

What you should download

There was an app called Google Shopper that I’ve been using the past, unfortunately as I write this I found out they discontinued it. It allowed you to scan a barcode and find the lowest prices on the net and in nearby stores. This is absurdly useful when you’re in a place like Bargain Hunt and need to know how much retail this is, that is, etc.

I’ll find something similarly functional and post that.

Findings

Onesies are proof of alien involvement because most were designed by people who never saw a baby.

Nobody has any clue on how to size a baby. 3 months in one size = 1 year in another.

Smiles are the only thing that keep us from eating our young. Smiles at 3+ months don’t seem to indicate imminent ralfing.

Kisses are appreciated.

Baby Monday is not Baby Tuesday. You work with the baby you’ve got that day. Don’t expect the tricks you learned to work on today’s baby.

Colic means you have no idea what’s wrong but a doctor needs to give you a diagnosis or you’ll feel like you’ve been ripped off.

Some days it feels like your social life is ended, some days it feels like it’s fine, you won’t know what day you’re on… ever.