the IT city, the I.T. Baby


Daycare: T-7 days – daddy and baby at work – a running descent into madness?

Baby M and Giraffe of flingingDaddy and baby at work

Woke up late as I had a superheated monkey attached to my side, ITmama commented I had her on a towel like a dog, I mentioned that I had more predictable negative effects with a baby that I did with a dog.

Listened to Willie’s Roadhouse on XM coming into the office today, it’s the only music that seems to completely drain Baby M of any desire to scream, my guess is she fully grasps the hopelessness of the human condition while listening to that channel and just gives up all hope.

In transit with her today is a plush giraffe that I packed in the carrier when I walked in and even remembered seeing when I hit the elevator. Evidently she’s learned to chuck things today as I had to go on a search of the path in order to figure out where she had chucked it.

*note to self – attach string to giraffe to prevent escape

9:40 get settled in, start playing some Peter Gabriel and singing along, seems to amuse baby greatly, boss breaks through on speakerphone during a stirring rendition of  Sledgehammer.

*note to self – leave up volume mixer so I can mute this sucker instantly

10:20 clear enough space in the office to deploy the baby fight pit, but Maggie is busy hanging on her changing mat (that’s on a couple of blankets) looking at her extended fist.

10:40 transition to baby fight pit, realize due to positioning it’s too bright for baby. Rig shade tent up using blankets and spells of confusion.

10:50 hear sound that I can only assume means she’s paying homage to the chocolate poocano god. Do a quick diaper check and nothing, notice the giraffe is white with formula hork.

10:58 wash formula hork off of giraffe, realize this doesn’t even top the 20 weirdest things that I have done at work.

11:20 baby ruins pretty perfect record with epic freakout. Chucks pacifier somewhere in a parts bin. Rocking her now to sleep as she can’t just lay down

12:27 baby is having a bad day. Doesn’t want held, swaddled, left alone, fed, pacified, tummy timed, monkey-held, etc. Luckily everyone’s been cool with holding and bouncing her while I work on things.

12:49 realized I stepped in something and blamed the smell on the baby… great…

*note to self – squeaky chair wakes baby up every time I move, get WD-40

1:30 baby angry, baby smash!

1:40 realize emergency swaddler is nowhere to be found

2:16 the meltdown begins

I’ll skip the story mode here and throw up the issue – baby too hot. room too hot due to having door closed. door closed due to baby. Bad cycle.

3ish, have to admit failure, baby is soaked in sweat from 80 degree temps, I smell like a wet dog, take her home and give her a bath and work on figuring out how to cool the room better. Hot baby = cranky ass baby unless the room is cold in which case hot baby = snug as a bug baby.

Have figured out a fan situation for work I think will work – Maggie passed the eff out the instant she cooled down and is now taking make-up naps for that sleep she was deprived.

Paul King

Paul King lives in Nashville Tennessee with his wife, two daughters and cats. He writes for Pocketables, theITBaby, and is an IT consultant along with doing tech support for a film production company.